At work, during lunch, we watch HGTV, unless something good is on the Food Network, like Ina Garten.  Sandra Lee makes me yell at the TV and my coworkers have given up attempting to watch it.  Everyone else can’t stand Rachel Ray.  So usually, like I said, HGTV.

We’ve seen most of the re-runs of the design shows, and frankly, most of the formats get a bit tired after the second season.  Our favorites are the ones where people buy houses, which HGTV thoughtfully has been playing in large blocks.  Currently we’re on House Hunters International, which is a big favorite.  (“Why would you live in Tokyo if you have to pay $600k for a 700 square foot condo?”)  But a few weeks ago, they had a block of a new one: My First Sale.  I thought the new buyers were bad, but the new sellers are worse.  These people are completely insane, and I now have a glimmering of respect for realtors.

 

First lunchtime episode recap: house on market for 6 mos, previous realtor had no movement.  It’s a flip.  They chose, as a flip, a house they bought for $265,000, put $125,000 in upgrades, borrowed the money from their parents, and have it listed for $464,900.  It’s the most expensive house in the neighborhood, and is right next to the freeway.  So let’s review: people without experience decide to flip a house, start with a 3600 sq ft house (not a starter home), and put way too much into upgrades, and now feel really guilty because they did this with their parents’ retirement funds.  Genius.

New realtor they are thinking of hiring:  It’s nice.  I’d market it for $440,000.

Crazy owners: We’ll just list it ourselves at the original price.  No need to consult an expert!

Flaky buyer at open house:  Great place!  If I can sell my house in CA, I’ll buy it.

[nothing happens for weeks]

Owners: Hurray!  We have an offer!  But it’s only for $442,000 and she wants 60 days and her lender is demanding the house actually appraise at contract price.  How dare they make such an unreasonable demand!  [b/c it’s a requirement under federal law for some loans, and a prudent marketing practice to prevent mortgage fraud and required by their investors, you morons.]  We’ll counter at $460,000, and try to find her a new lender who doesn’t demand such things.

Buyer: $450,000.

Owners: We want to show that we’re open, but not so open as to go with something approaching the price the realtor suggested initially.  $459,000.

[buyer quits calling]

Owners: Oh noes!  Now she is buying a different house!  We must learn from this experience.  [they don’t.]

 

 

2nd episode recap: it’s her first house, that she bought 12 years ago, a nice starter home that they’ve outgrown.  She bought it for $100k, she owns $91k after 12 years.  [I have in fact paid more down on my house in 2 years.]  This is why Texas has such strict home equity laws, because people are stupid.  Also, she’s an attorney, and has no excuse.  The realtor is introduced with shots of her picking up children’s toys before a showing; her halo glows softly.

Owners: Waaaah!  Our house isn’t selling!

Realtor: Every other house in this neighborhood has sold for less than $200k.  Your asking price is $220k.  You need to lower your price.

Owners: But those houses weren’t as nice as ours!

Realtor: This one is.  It’s under contract for $200k.

Owners: Waaaaaaaaaaaah!  We want lots of equity to buy a bigger house!  [then you shouldn’t have borrowed against it, you idiot.]

[Open house occurs.  Everyone loves the house.]

Realtor: You have an offer for $206,000.

Owners: Do we really have to take that?  It’s so low!

Realtor: It is the best price in the neighborhood; I made you another list that proves this is still true, because I knew you’d ask.  They want to move in within 45 days.

Owners: How can we do that?  We haven’t even started looking for a new house or packed a single thing!

[Note: If I were the realtor, I would use this opportunity to scream at them.  But she merely says very politic things to the camera, without even an eye roll.  She should be beatified.]

Owners: Oh no, we have to find a temporary place to live because we haven’t found a new house yet!  We’ve had to downgrade our expectations to buy a house and we’re still so demanding. Corporate apartment place, do you take dogs? Up to 40 lbs.  Hmm.  [Looks at large dog.  She said it was 90 lbs. earlier in the episode.]  She’s maybe, you know, more like 50lbs.  I can’t tell, she has a lot of hair.  No?  Well, Ok.  Sigh.

Owners: Awww.  We’re sad to leave this house, we will miss it even though we’ve been complaining about it having no yard and we have to take the kids to the park to play.  * crying *

 

So reality TV, even the classy kind, continues its mission to make the rest of us feel superior.  I often wonder if the people filming ever feel the need to step in and tell people they’re being stupid.  I suppose instead they’re secretly high fiving each other.

Advertisement